


Side-By-Side

by Kaerith



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, First Time, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intercrural Sex, Luther Hargreeves Needs A Hug, M/M, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:01:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25578502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaerith/pseuds/Kaerith
Summary: Luther and Diego: Two boys whose punishment that included sharing a bed for a week had screwed them both up because it had been a taste of security and affection that had then been cruelly ripped away. They are reunited at last and still stuck at arm's-length because of their fear and history.(Discussions of their childhood trauma and then some smut with Diego giving virgin!Luther some body positivity.)
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Luther Hargreeves
Comments: 12
Kudos: 92





	Side-By-Side

**Author's Note:**

> I have long since wanted some slash about someone confronting/comforting Luther's new body and self-image. I never found it. I finally decided to write it this month and I swore I'd get it out before the new season.
> 
> (I've heard that there can be drama in this fandom about incest pairings. I will delete those comments. There are tags for a reason.)
> 
> About the setting for the story: There is no apocalypse. There is no canon timeline of events. Luther's shirt did get ripped off in a fight at the Academy because of plot and/or pwp reasons, though.

_"You got big."_ Diego's voice kept echoing in Luther's head. He couldn't seem to unpack his brother's feelings behind it. When he was feeling the most optimistic, Luther could imagine it as awe or appreciation: Diego seemed to value strength and capability above all else. But in his lower moments, like now, Luther swore he could hear disgust... and none of his siblings had even known what was _under_ the coat, yet. 

Luther could remember the overwhelming revulsion that he had felt when he had woken up and seen it. Felt it. He would have preferred to die, honestly. With just him and Dad to do their work all Luther had was his body and how he could use it. Now it was him and this alien shape of bulky muscles; tough, hairy skin; and unhuman anatomy. Dad and Pogo couldn't look at him. Reginald had sent him to the moon because he was such a freak now. 

And now.... They had _seen_ him now. He hadn't even noticed his goddamn shirt had ripped until his siblings had been gaping at the sight of his chest, speechless. He had literally run away and locked himself in his room like a sulking teenager. 

As grateful as he was to be back at home with the others, at least most of them, back here too, he would prefer to be left here again. Sharing the giant, empty, echoing space with Pogo and Mom. 

Luther was surprised when someone knocked on his door. Making sure his shirt and coat covered the worst of it, Luther unlocked the door and opened it. "Diego?" 

"Who were you expecting?" Diego said. 

_Allison,_ He thought, before realizing that she would be the last person to want to confront this. He had thought they had been rekindling something, but there was no chance now that she knew what he was. There wasn't room for a freak in her red carpet life. 

"Gonna let me in?" Diego said. 

Luther opened the door wider automatically. "Close it," Diego said once he was in the room, and Luther did, though it was against the rules if he wasn't alone. _Dad is dead. There are no more rules,_ he had to remind himself. 

Luther closed the door and stood still. Waiting. _"You got big,"_ he remembered, and wondered what Diego would say now. 

When Diego grabbed Luther's left hand it startled him. "Remember?" Diego said, moving next to him and lining their forearms up. 

"It was an entire week. Of course I remember," Luther said. 

They had been arguing. Constant, stupid bickering for dominance when they were around 13 years old. Diego chafing under his designation as Number Two and bitter that he was supposed to follow Luther's orders. Dad had lectured them _again_ about the chain of command and the importance of rank when out in the field. He had ordered Pogo to wrap their arms together, Luther's left and Diego's right, and they had spent a week side-by-side except for physical training and showers. 

"It was a good week," Diego said quietly, making Luther turn his head and look at him in surprise. 

"You... you complained about everything! Blamed me for being stuck together!" 

Diego's lower lip rounded out a little. From his higher perspective from so close to the side, Luther had to interpret the tic as a scowl rather than a pout. His brother kept his gaze on the bookshelf across the room. "Well, I was a bratty little shit. You were a smug jerk and had your dominant hand free." 

Luther looked at their hands, so much bigger now, even if Luther ignored his hairy knuckles. Palm-to-palm... wasn't there a quote by Shakespeare about that? Their fingers were laced and their arms pressed together. For most of a week they had held hands just like they were doing now. 

"You slept in my room," Luther said, quietly, as if he was only recalling that fact for the first time. As if practically every night he hadn't remembered how they had shared his bed, two lanky teenage boys that were practically all gangly limbs and sharp elbows fighting over the pillows. As if Luther hadn't frequently imagined that Diego was in his bed, again, when the mansion was a mausoleum with only him left of the set of seven. When he was the only person on an airless chunk of rock 238,900 miles away from any another living being. 

"You were Number One. Of course we had to sleep in your room," Diego said. Time and (hopefully) maturity making his comment more of a nostalgic gripe than a real complaint. 

"You probably had a million knives hidden in your mattress," Luther said, the old excuse more of a fond joke now than an accusation. 

This time Diego almost smiled. "Probably," he admitted. "It was a good week," he said again. 

"It was," Luther agreed. "I never would have told you that, though." 

Diego pulled away, stepping out of Luther's personal space but maintaining his grip on his hand. "I haven't shared a bed for a whole night with anyone except you in my whole life." 

"Well, yeah. Me either." Diego gave him an odd look. Luther frowned, "What?" He hadn't said anything weird. 

"I've had sex," Diego said. "With a lot of people. I never slept with any of them." 

_"A lot of people."_ Luther's brain wanted to process that remark: how much was "a lot"? Why "people" and not "women"? He also wanted to hide the shame he felt that this was another way in which his siblings had left him behind. He was pretty sure he was the last virgin of the seven of them. Except for Five. But then again, maybe not, with the whole future thing. Did that count? 

His brother seemed to be waiting for Luther to say something. "Um. Yeah. Of course. What does that have to do with me?" _Fuck. That came out weird. Fix it._ "I mean, with us sharing my bed as kids?" 

Diego released Luther's hand and looked at one of the old posters. "I can't sleep next to anybody. I get all... awake. Hyped up." 

Luther really had no clue why they were talking about this. He spread his hands out to show his lack of understanding. "We were tied together. Doing extra training. It was probably just exhaustion." 

Diego sighed. "I'm not good at talking." He lifted his eyes to meet Luther's gaze. "I don't trust anybody enough to go to sleep next to them. I trusted you. Even though you were a dick." 

"Hey-" 

Diego shrugged. "We both were. That's not the point. The point I am trying to get to is that I've been lonely since I left the house." 

"I don't know why," Luther said, a bit bitterly. "You have had sex with _a lot of people_ , apparently." 

"And I'm betting you haven't," Diego said, a bit forcefully before he reined himself in and continued, "Hey, I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to say that I'm betting you've been even lonelier since we all left." 

"I was on the moon, Diego. There's not exactly other people out there." 

Luther saw his brother's face distort with rage. It surprised him enough that he almost took a step back to better prepare for an attack. He and Diego talking had often led to an argument or fight. But Diego didn't pull out any knives; he stood there looking mad and tightening his hands into fists. 

"Exactly! That old bastard sent you to the moon after we all fucking b-bailed on you! And he also did _that_ ," he indicated Luther's body, "to you, and we never even knew! I w-was..." Diego covered his face with his hands and took a hitching breath. 

It almost sounded like Diego was crying, and Luther was just a huge, stupid lump who didn't know what to do but just stand there. 

Finally, Diego pulled himself together to look at Luther again. His face and eyes were red. "I was in the same fucking city and didn't know. Wasn't here to help you." 

"You didn't know. You and the others were out there having lives. Living. I made the choice to stay here with Dad. You guys wanted to forget. It's okay." It wasn't, but Luther was Number One. He had responsibilities. He had missed all of them, but he had been happy to see glimpses of Allison being famous and appreciated for her normal talents. Happy to hear about Vanya's successes from Pogo, who kept tabs on her. Not happy, admittedly, to bail Klaus out of jail or sign a check for another rehab clinic for Pogo to mail out so that Reginald wouldn't have to learn about Number Four's continuing "failures," but he had understood how Klaus needed to make his own choices. 

"It's not okay," Diego said, looking like he had just taken a rubber bullet to his gut. "It is _not_ fucking okay, and I thought about you every night. I wanted to be back in your bed, with you, every single night, but I was a coward and just left you behind with Dad and everything else!" 

Was this a love confession? It almost sounded like a love confession, but Luther was sure that was not what Diego meant it to sound like. They had been talking about loneliness, right? And Luther being a perfect soldier who stuck around and followed Dad's orders and got a freaky body transplant because he was a loyal idiot. 

"I was the coward who stayed, Diego, and look at me," Luther shrugged off his coat and pushed up his sleeves. "You were right. I was weak. You should leave the weak ones behind." 

"Don't spit Dad's lies at me! You were never weak, you dickhead!" Diego moved closer and put his hands on Luther's gorilla arms, managing to break his gaze from the freakishness to look into Luther's eyes with an expression that was close to begging. Luther couldn't stand that look so he focused on Diego's scarred fingers pressing into his hairy skin. "We never should have left you behind. _I_ never should have left you behind. Left you alone." 

"...Maybe not," Luther said quietly. "But I also made my choice. Nothing any of you said changed my mind." 

They watched as Diego ran his fingers over Luther's new skin: hairy and ugly and primitive, Luthor thought privately- he wouldn't say it out loud to Pogo and be a speciest asshole. 

"How far does it go?" Diego asked. 

Luther tried to pull away but his brother doesn't loosen his grip. "Didn't you see?" He asked bitterly. "Ape arms, ape chest, ape back. I'm a gorilla with a human head." 

"Let me see it," Diego said. 

Luther's laugh was broken and humorless. " _I_ don't like lookin' at this thing. You don't want to see it." 

He thought Diego was going to insist, but his brother didn't. He could see him examining Luther's face in his peripheral vision before he nodded and said, "Okay. I'm not gonna make ya. But..." When Luther looked directly at him Diego seemed shy. It reminded him of the brother that he knew before Diego had left and changed into this hard and self-sufficient loner. When even Luther had understood without being told that all Number Two wanted was to be _important_ to someone. Why Diego stayed in the same city, so close: so he could visit Mom. Nobody else had ever really needed her and loved her like Diego did. 

"But what?" 

Diego took his hands away, letting them drop to his sides before he changed his mind and crossed them over his chest harness and sheathed throwing knives. "But nothing," he said. "I'm just stupid. Forget it." 

"You forgot already? You're the jerk. _I'm_ the idiot." He veered into their familiar banter. Luther was always the stupid soldier following orders, doing what Dad said and following the rules-- even the really useless ones like "Toothbrushes must promptly be replaced every 12 weeks" and "Shoelaces must always be tucked inside the shoes when in the closet." Diego was the one who only spoke up to say something mean or angry, earning the reputation of a dick because he felt the most confident with speaking when he was upset. After the week of being stuck together the insults between them had less bite. Became more of a code for all the secret stuff they had been forced to share with a week of having to explain why Luther needed to go to the kitchen to have a specific food to get the taste of a particular protein supplement out of his mouth. Of waking up because the other was twitching from a nightmare. Of closely watching and hearing the exchanges between Mom and Diego as she stroked his hair and gave him gentle encouragement. 

For a couple years after the punishment Reginald's face had been particularly pinched whenever he noted any "unreasonable closeness" between One and Two. They couldn't let Dad know that his punishment had ended up providing more comfort to both of them than they had ever experienced before. Even as young teenagers they knew the dangers of their father's wrath if they tried to continue the experiment of intimacy, though they had both secretly longed for it. 

Luther had, like always, done what their father would have expected him to do and turned his mind away from any thoughts of wanting Diego close again. Maybe Diego hadn't. 

"Dad is dead," Diego said, breaking the silence. Before his brother could reply he continued, meeting Luther's eyes defiantly, "And I thought about you every night I lay in bed alone and couldn't sleep. When I came to visit Mom I always hoped to see you. When you went to the moon I..." Diego finally looked away, over Luther's shoulder at the door. "I cried because I thought you wanted to get away from us- from _me_ \- so much." 

That _hurt_. Luther had never had a clue. "Did dad...?" He trailed off because he didn't want to set off Diego's anger again. 

Diego didn't get angry. He kept his face turned away. "Of course he did. He told me that you were avoiding me. All the usual shit about me being a disappointment and turning my back on my duty." The tension Diego always held in his shoulders dropped for a moment when he glanced back. "I should've known it was just more bullshit, but you know how he could look at you in a way that made you think he was reading your mind? And then he would almost smile like he knew exactly how much what he was saying was hurting you and was enjoying your pain? I was too ashamed to fight back and demand real answers the day he told me you had gone to the damn moon." 

Luther knew the expression Diego was talking about. The haughty lift of Reginald's chin as he laid down the law with his arrogant belief that he spoke the truth and knew what was best. He had seen Dad do it to everyone, particularly Klaus, and had been fooled by his tone of superiority into believing in their father's righteousness. He had been a puppet and repeated those words to all of his siblings, believing that The Word of Reginald Hargreeves Was Truth and intended to correct their shortcomings in a strict but ultimately beneficial way. He had fallen for their father's bullshit time and time again, metaphorically eating up the scorn and belittling and spewing it out onto his brothers and sister while he naively, conceitedly, thought he was helping them reach their potential. 

Luther had let Reginald manipulate him his entire life. He had pushed everyone aside in favor of a cold, calculating man who was too obsessed with the goal of training children to be heroes to bend in any fashion for any reason. Even now he wondered if there was truly some big picture Reginald had been preparing them for, but Luther had to stop thinking that way. Would any crisis be worth what they were put through? Seven emotionally crippled and socially stunted children. ~~Two~~ One dead. One reappeared after 15 years of time travel. One miraculously alive but not for lack of trying with his substance abuse. 

He and Diego, two boys whose punishment that included sharing a bed for a week had screwed them both up because it had been a taste of security and affection that had then been cruelly ripped away: reunited at last and still stuck at arm's-length because of their fear and ignorance. 

"Would you have tried to stop me from going?" 

"To the moon?" Diego chuffed. "I think so. Definitely would have if I knew you were gonna be away for two damn years. I would have tied you up to talk some sense into you. I would have called Allison to rumor you, if I had to. It was fucking solitary confinement, wasn't it? This," he indicated Luther's body, "Must have happened right before the old bastard packed you off, right?" 

"...A few months before," Luther confirmed. 

Diego turned away to walk to the window. Luther shifted in discomfort, but after a minute his brother still hadn't made a move to continue the conversation or to leave. "Why are you here? I mean, I didn't know you could even talk so much." 

Diego sighed and hung his head. "I don't. But that's a problem, I think. Avoiding things makes them worse." 

Luther took a hesitant step forward, mystified. "What are you talking about?" 

"I've always been obsessed with you. Trying to match you, trying to beat you. Then that week happened... and all I could think of after that was how I had felt next to you, sharing your bed. Close. And safe. Realizing you were just a dumb kid like me trying to be what Dad wanted. We were on the same team. He just pitted us against one other so that we were divided and wouldn't be able to go against him." 

Diego paused, so Luther added, "Classic tactics. Divide and conquer." 

"And it worked. We were just members of his cult. We knew our lives were different than everyone else's but we didn't know how to change it. We knew we were missing out on a lot of things that were normal to everyone else, like soda pop and movies and skateboarding. But what that week taught me was that I didn't have some things I really wanted, you know? That I hadn't known that I needed." 

"What?" Luther said. 

Diego shrugged. "Touch. Closeness. Having a brother instead of some team leader that I was always either challenging or disappointing." 

Luther wanted to deny that last part. but it was too true. "I'm sorry. ...I had similar revelations after that week, too. But by then things were already starting to fall apart. The family was falling apart. Five, Ben. Then Klaus starting doing his... shit." He looked at his hands, like he could see the things he had tried to hold onto: the rules and habits, the nebulous Higher Purpose their father was training them for. He had clutched to them like strings as if he could hold the family together by doing his best for Dad. As if leading by example and pretending to be fulfilled with what Dad had made him become would suddenly get the rest of his siblings to fall in line and reunite. 

Diego had turned and was also studying Luther's palms. They were bare; he hadn't put on his gloves and his sleeves were still rolled up above his elbows. He reached out again and folded their fingers together. 

"I was the last one to stay besides you. I tried to stay." Diego sighed heavily. "Dad found out my secret." 

"Secret?" Luther looked up at Diego's anxious brown eyes. "What secret?" 

Diego swallowed and looked away even as his hands gripped Luther's tighter. "I told you. I wanted to be with you in your bed. I thought about it every single night. I got older and...." He cautiously met Luther's eyes again and adjusted his stance as he rolled his eyes. "Seriously? I have to spell everything out for you?" 

Luther furrowed his brow but could only surmise that this _was_ a love confession. He blushed. "How did Dad find out?" 

Diego's mouth twitched with a smile that really wasn't. "How do you think? I had stolen one of Allison's stupid magazines and jerked off to your picture too many times so that he caught me on one of his damn cameras." He tried to pull his hands away but Luther held them tightly now. Didn't want his brother to run away again after just dropping this bomb of a confession before he could process the information. 

"That isn't... isn't _brothers_." Luther was having difficulty with talking. 

"No shit. Dad fucked us up so much that I started fantasizing about you because the first meaningful non-combat physical contact I had was being tied to you and sharing your bed." 

Luther relaxed his fingers and dropped his hands. "Why are you telling me this? Now?" 

Diego bit his lip and studied the emotional pain and frustration on his brother's face. "Because you're lonely too. And I finally nutted up to tell you that I left but never stopped being lonely either." 

"What about all those people?" 

"What, sex? It was all useless. Never gave me what I wanted. I told you, I've never been able to share a bed with anyone else." 

Luther took a large breath in to try to keep himself together. Then he sat on the edge of his bed and put his face in his hands. "And you had to tell me this now." His voice possibly came out a little more angry than he meant it to. 

"Jesus!" Diego said, starting to sound upset. "I didn't expect a fucking hug and kiss, but I never thought you would throw this back in my face! You were upset, I wanted to apologize, and maybe commiserate on Dad making all our lives shit and reminisce about one fucking week when I was almost happy because of you!" 

Luther let his hands fall and roll into fists. Thumbs out, though he wasn't planning on punching anything or anyone. "And maybe I felt the same," he half-confessed. "Maybe I didn't... jerk off, but maybe I pretended you were next me in the dark at night! Here and on the goddamn moon! And now you're telling me this? _Now?_ " He had to squeeze his eyes shut and cover them with a hand. He didn't want to cry. Maybe once Diego left. 

He heard Diego squat down in front of him. His brother calmed down and spoke more quietly. "If you told me that I might be... happy. That I have a chance. What's wrong with now, Luther?" 

Luther could feel his mouth tremble. He kept his mouth clamped shut as he wiped his eyes then opened them. Diego was right there. So close. He had the nerve to look confused and concerned. Maybe Number Two was an idiot, too, after all. Hadn't pieced things together in his mind. And now Luther had to state the obvious and watch his brother's face as he made the realization and ran away with disgust. He shook his head. "It isn't just now. Three years ago was also too damn late. Do you need to see the whole thing to understand?" 

Diego only understood once Luther's hand grabbed the hem of his own shirt and shook it. 

He reached out and grabbed Luther's wrists. "That doesn't change anything." He had to scramble away as Luther rose to his feet and Diego stood up in time to see his brother pull off his turtleneck. 

"Big, yeah?" Luther said, bitterly. His arms twitched like he wanted to instinctively cover his chest but he held them down. "Hairy, too, and goddamn _ugly_." 

Diego looked back up at Luther's face. "It's really not-" 

" _Look at it!_ " Number One shouted, his voice a bit too stressed to be parade ground clear. 

Diego lowered his eyes again, obedient for once. Slowly reached out a hand to touch some of the scars around his neck. "What happened?" 

Luther couldn't lie. Not to the first person who had ever asked. "I... used to try to scratch it off. Like it was just another fucking costume from Dad. A mean joke." 

"Th-this one was a knife," Diego said, his voice quavering with emotion. "Did you-" 

Luther shrugged and kept his eyes turned away. Hearing the horror in Diego's voice was enough; he didn't want to see it, too. "Nobody else could have done it. I never went out on a mission like this. Except to the moon." 

"Here, too. Fuck, _Luther...._ " 

He couldn't take the scrutiny any more. He turned away and walked over to pick up his coat. Shrugged it on and held it closed by crossing his arms. Next thing he knew Diego had his arms around him, hugging him from behind. 

" _Luther,_ " Diego said again, roughly, like he was in pain. "I... I wish I hadn't left you alone. Maybe I could have...." 

If Diego was thinking that maybe this wouldn't have happened if he had still been around, joining him on missions, Luther had thought about that before. Plenty of times. But it wasn't Diego's fault. Luther had been the one who had let himself get killed. And fucking Reginald had brought him back _like this_. 

He felt Diego's arms start to withdraw. Before he realized what he was doing, Luther gently touched one of the hands on his middle. "I don't blame you. It's not your fault." 

Diego grabbed his hand and tugged at Luther to turn around. He did. His coat fell open but his brother didn't even glance away from Luther's face. "Can I sleep with you tonight?" 

Luther couldn't help glancing at the bed and huffed a laugh. "We can try. We're not 13 anymore. I can barely fit." 

Diego smiled. Luther wondered how many years it had been since he had seen his brother smile. He wished Reginald had died years ago. 

They went downstairs for dinner. With Diego sitting next to him Luther found the strength to tell everyone what Dad did to him. 

Allison didn't exactly look disgusted, but she spent most of the meal staring down at her plate. Vanya awkwardly apologized for not being there for him, and Klaus reassured him that plenty of people will still find him attractive. "Be sure to put the word 'furry' in your dating profile!" 

Luther did not appreciate that comment. He didn't want to find someone who was attracted to his body first and just accepted the person that came with it. But then, he's going to have a hard time losing his virginity if he was picky, right? 

Five said he wanted to track down the assholes who attacked them in their house and asked Diego if he wanted to go with him. Everyone was surprised when Diego declined. 

"I think I'll hang out here. Don't feel like it tonight." There were a lot of snarky comments about how Diego's never taken a night of vigilantism off in his life and how he doesn't have any hobbies other than knives and slamming down thugs, but he didn't rise to the bait. That, too, was uncharacteristic. 

Five didn't ask Luther. None of their siblings talked to or even looked at him much after he had given his explanation. 

There seemed to be a frisson vibrating deep in his chest during the whole meal. His senses seemed polarized and focused on Diego next to him. Luther isn't sure if his brother has any plans beyond sharing his bed, but even thinking of being so close to him is exciting. 

Diego was one of the first to leave the table, and when Luther is done he went up to his room to find it empty. He didn't know what Diego was doing or had planned, so he just sat on the floor and went through his record collection, pulling out and listening to favorites. 

There was a Jackson 5 album on the turntable when Diego leaned against the frame of his open bedroom door. "Another famous dysfunctional family," he said, nodding to the record player. 

Luther couldn't help but notice that Diego's hair was wet and he's still wearing the same black outfit and harness. "Is that what you wear to sleep in?" 

"I didn't exactly bring an overnight bag," Diego said. He stepped in the room and closed the door. 

The clock on the nightstand said that it was just after 8:30. "It's early." 

"What time do you usually turn in?" Diego asked. 

"Usually around 10. Though I rarely fall asleep right away. Rarely sleep the entire night, either." 

Diego smirked. "You will tonight, big guy." 

Arousal zinged through Luther. He didn't know what Diego meant, if he was insinuating anything sexual, but his body responded like it was a promise. "The Love You Save" ended and the vinyl crackled until "One More Chance" started. 

Luther was still mentally processing the possible meanings of Diego's statement, so the lyrics were audible: _Everybody loves the star / When he's on the top / But noone ever comes around / When he starts to drop. / But you were someone special / You stuck through thick and-_

Luther got to his knees and pulled the needle up. He turned the player off as he lumbered to his feet. "I'm gonna take a shower." Diego thankfully stayed silent as he gathered clean sweatpants and a shirt and bundled his robe on top of the pile. 

When he came back Diego was in the desk chair thumbing through a Hardy Boys book. "Did you read all of these? These are _ancient_." 

Luther shrugged. "I always liked reading." 

Diego stood up, put the book away, and looked around the room. "So many Dad-approved hobbies." 

"What did _you_ do in your rec time?" Luther felt defensive. This felt like another verbal attack from Number Two. 

The look Diego gave him wasn't belittling at all. It was... sad. Hurt. "Speech therapy with Mom." Luther had a moment to feel like shit for forgetting before Diego recovered his control and slid into a more confident stance. "Then masturbation, of course. I swear, that's what I did in every break and transitional period long enough to duck into a bathroom. For four years, maybe." 

Luther leant back to make sure the hallway was clear and then stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He knew he was fucking blushing. 

"You've had to have done it," Diego said. 

"Yes. But I didn't plan my day around it." 

Diego watched Luther tuck his hands in his robe pockets and scan the room nervously. He was so on edge. It made Diego's neck and shoulders ache in sympathy. "Do you want to have sex? I mean, in general. It's a thing, asexual, when some people just aren't interested." 

Luther's shoulders hunched in a bit more. "...Interested," Diego managed to interpret from his mumble. 

"Do you think about guys or girls?" 

Luther huffed like this was a stupid conversation. His voice was a bit louder and sharp with irritation when he said, "I don't know. Girls, I guess. I usually just... feel it, you know? Focus on that." 

Diego finally took pity on him. "I wanna sleep with you. I'm also down to fool around before going to sleep, too. Your choice." He could practically see Luther's pulse quicken as his brother stood up straight. The front hem of Luther's robe lifted up when he bunched up the fabric of the pockets in his fists. 

"We're... we're brothers." 

"Not by blood," Diego said. "Besides, who's gonna care?" 

"The rest-" 

"I'm just talking about having some fun. Popping your cherry. If we get to the point when we wanna exchange rings or something, then we'll deal with it." Luther looked at him weird. He probably shouldn't have said that last part, even sarcastically. Like Diego's romantic teenage fantasies were a thing Number One would ever be interested in. 

Luther just stood there silent while Diego waited for him to say something. Flexing his fingers in his ugly, dirty bathrobe. 

Diego eventually turned away to face the desk. Unbuckled his chest harness and set the straps and knives on the surface. Removed the thigh holster. Slid the thick and heavy leather belt from the loops and let it clatter on the wood. Braced a boot on the seat of the chair and pulled out the hidden blades before unlacing it. Wondered if Luther was just going to stand there and watch him because he had suffered an aneurysm. 

Luther made a choked noise when Diego pulled off his turtleneck. He held the garment in his hands as he twisted to look at his brother, still blocking the closed door and taking up a quarter of the floor space. Luther's pupils were dilated, so Diego knew he was interested before Luther managed to choke out, "Is that--" 

"A nipple ring?" Diego flicked the silver hoop in and down and then tugged gently on it. "Yeah. I like it. Think I might get the other one done, too." Luther's mouth just hung open. Diego turned back and smiled to himself. Dropped the shirt on the desk and then pushed down his tight pants and toed off his socks. 

Left in just his underwear, Diego turned around and crossed his arms. "I think you're gonna need to get in bed first, big guy." 

Luther stepped forward and pulled the sheets back on his regulation-made bed. Then he took off his robe while he looked toward the floor, hiding his face. Luther's hairy quads made his thighs huge, but his ass looked human and the gorilla-ness ended at his knees. When he shyly turned around his stomach and groin were patched with long hair and the fur would have obscured his dick if it wasn't erect. 

"Looks like you're ready for something," Diego said archly, meeting his brother's eyes. 

Luther waved a hand to indicate his body. "Really? That's all you're gonna say?" 

Diego shrugged. "You're hairy, but your junk looks normal. I can work with that. What do you want?" 

His brother looked slightly stunned but after gazing back at Diego for a moment he licked his lips. "Hand first? And then... your mouth?" 

Diego hummed agreeably. "Sounds good. Take a seat and spread your legs." 

Luther followed orders. He couldn't take his eyes off of Diego as he knelt on the floor between his knees. Diego licked his right hand and then wrapped it around Luther's cock without any ceremony. Luther groaned immediately as his brother's hand squeezed his dick and started jacking him, swiping his thumb over the head every couple of strokes. 

"Is this how you do it? Does it feel the same?" 

"Diego- fuck!" His voice was quiet but his breathing was not. "N-not the same. At all." 

Diego's free hand was exploring Luther's right thigh. "You can cum whenever you need to," he assured Luther before he bent his head forward. Luther groaned when Diego put his mouth over the tip. It was wet and hot and Luther couldn't prevent himself from thrusting a bit deeper. 

Diego kept his fist working even as he tightened his lips and used his tongue to press against particularly sensitive areas. It was like magic, and Luther could finally understand why Klaus had brought up the subject so often years ago when he first started leaving the mansion at odd times. 

Luther came before Diego even had time to work up to gagging on his cock... but that wasn't surprising if it was Luther's first time. Diego swallowed the first pulse then pulled off and let the rest stripe over his mouth and chin while Luther looked at him wide-eyed. Diego jerked his dick a few more times to make sure he was done before he picked up Luther's robe to wipe his face. 

"You really...." Luther seemed to stunned to finish the thought. 

"Yup," Diego said with a smirk as he stood up. "Now I want to get off between your thighs." 

"What does that mean? How does it work?" Luther's questions trailed after Diego as he walked back to the desk and opened a drawer. When he approached the bed with a tube of KY Luther looked slightly alarmed. "That's not mine." 

"It's mine. And I'm not going to fuck you in the ass. But make yourself comfortable lying face down on the bed." 

Luther lay down but propped himself on his elbows so he could look over his shoulder. Diego let him watch as he took his underwear off and warmed up a dollop of lube. Luther's blue eyes fixated on Diego's dick as he slicked himself up. Diego then put his clean hand on Luther's shoulder to prod him to lie down. "I'm gonna tell you what I'm gonna do, okay? I'm gonna put some slick between your legs, right up by your balls. Then I want you to hold them tightly together and I'm gonna get on top of you then thrust my dick right into that wet and hot little pocket. It's kinda like getting fucked, so let's see if that's something you like. If not, that's fine. At least you'll have a better idea of what you want to do and who you want to do it with. You good with trying it?" 

Luther's thoughts had kind of hung up on "like getting fucked" and it was strange to think of himself as someone who anyone was going to do anything like that with, but he wanted to get Diego off. "Yeah." He rolled his pillow to prop up his chin and held it in place with his folded arms. 

Diego put one hand on his hip and then put his wet fingers up the back of Luther's sac and smeared a large patch of lube around the area and down his thighs. "Hold them together," he prompted, and Luther did. 

Diego got onto the bed and hovered over Luther as he got into position. "Lift your ass up a bit. Weight on your knees and elbows. Yeah. Good." Luther's breathing grew heavier as Diego grabbed his hips and he felt the smooth head of Diego's cock against his legs. When it slipped in between his thighs and nudged his balls Luther couldn't suppress a gasp. 

"Should I stop?" Diego asked, freezing all movement. 

Luther had to swallow twice before his voice seemed to work. "No. Keep going." 

"Hmm." Diego sounded pretty pleased when he started small thrusting motions. Luther closed his eyes and focused on the sensations. His brother moved one hand to brace himself on the bed and draped his chest on top of Luther's back. It felt like fucking must feel, Luther decided. Skin-to-skin, no space between, Diego's dick pumping in-and-out while the lube made it all easy and smooth. Luther couldn't hold back a moan as he arched his spine a bit to push back against Diego's cock. 

"Fuck, Luther!" Diego practically growled, just inches from his ear. "Taking it so good, baby. Do you like feeling my cock?" 

"Yeah." Luther squeezed his eyes shut. He could feel Diego's public bush brush against his skin and Diego's breath on the back of his neck. They were pressed together knees to hips to chest and the force of Diego's movements made Luther's body flex and bend in a mutual rhythm. His own dick wanted to get hard again. "Talk more." 

"You want to hear dirty talk? Want me to tell ya every thought that goes through my head as I fuck you? Your fucking enormous body is under me. I've got you pinned down, Number One, naked, and I'm riding you and gonna make you moan. Can feel how much you love it, Luth." Diego pulled his dick out and panted for a moment. "Don't wanna end it yet. Gimme a sec." Sitting back to keep space between his dick and Luther, Diego rested his head on Luther's back and concentrated on his breathing for a minute. His brother stayed obediently in position. "I've never stopped myself before," Diego said. 

"Why did you?" 

Diego shrugged. "It was always just something to do that was fun but got weird for me if it lasted too long. But I'm staying here tonight, so I figured might as well take a break now so I- we- can enjoy it for a bit more. You are enjoying it, right?" 

Luther huffed half a laugh. "Yeah. Though even just the touching is nice. Like this." 

Diego seemed to take that as permission to put his hands on Luther's shoulders and explore from there, running one hand up the back of his neck and into his hair and the other down Luther's spine then around his ribs where we felt up one of Luther's pecs and then pinched the nipple. "Do anything for you?" Luther grunted a negative. Diego swept his hand down onto Luther's abs. The hair was a bit coarse, but Diego brushed it up and then down and felt the ridges of muscle. 

"I'm not too weird?" Luther asked. 

"Does it feel like I think you're weird?" Diego said, shifting back into place and pushing his dick back in the place Luther's body had made for him. "You're jacked, Luth. The only thing I like more than fucking a big, strong guy is to get railed by one. When you've gotten some experience, you can hold me against a wall and pound my ass. Or sit and bounce me on your cock. I've jerked off to fantasies of you man-handling me. Never found anyone to do it that I trusted. Lemme try... do you like that?" 

Diego's dick started to plow up his crack. Luther couldn't hold back his moans as he felt his brother's cock nudge at his hole and imagined Diego penetrating him. He'd never really considered it, but if this was good then the real thing must be even better, right? 

"Would you let me into your body, Luth? Think you'd like it?" 

Luther nodded and tried to clench his muscles even tighter for him. 

Somehow Diego noticed that Luther's dick was getting hard again. He stopped and pulled away again. Luther didn't intend to whine at the loss but he did. "Shh, baby. Turn on your side. This way. Keep your legs together." Luther turned onto his left side and moved close to the wall and Diego wormed his left bicep under Luther's neck and then pressed against his back. When he slid back in he reached around to take Luther's dick in his hand. Diego's left hand curved across this brother's forehead and tilted his face back. Luther could feel Diego's lips move against the back of his neck. "I knew you'd like this." He began thrusting again. "Fuck, Luth, even back then I wanted to do something like this with you. Rub my cock against your bare skin and jack you off. Instead I had to lie still and smell you and listen to you breathe and try to go to sleep with a boner that I couldn't touch. 'Cause you would have freaked out, wouldn't you? But now we're here and doing this. It's been so fucking long, but I feel exactly the same about you. Finally managed to get you interested in me. Never fucking _dreamed...._ " 

Luther had reached down and was controlling the speed of Diego's hand on his cock. When Diego came he paused all of his movements. Luther could feel Diego's jizz seeping between their skin and trickling down his thigh. He wanted to see his brother's face, not just hear and feel the way his breath stuttered at his climax. 

Luther adjusted his grip from Diego's wrist to wrapping his hand around his fingers and tightening their shared grip on his cock. He grunted as he got Diego back to the program of jerking him off. He didn't need much longer to cum for the second time. 

They just rested for a few minutes, still pressed together. Luther wiped his hand off on his own thigh so he could reach back and cradle Diego's skull in his palm and sink his fingers into his black hair. He felt high. He felt like he'd done a circuit of reps. He felt so damn close to Diego, surrounded by him and held by him. _Not_ fucking _alone._ Not unwanted or forgotten or left behind. 

The only thing he was left with was wanting, though, He wanted to kiss Diego. See his face, vulnerable; hold it in his hands. He knew there was a distinction between sex and romance, and wasn't sure what Diego considered this to be. 

Luther wasn't going to ask, though. They were legally brothers; there were layers and layers of fucked-up to deal with without burdening Diego with an unwanted romance. 

"Was it good?" Diego finally asked. 

Luther couldn't hold back a chuckle at how poorly "good" described the experience. "You made me cum twice. What do you think?" 

Diego peeled himself away. Luther rolled over to watch him stand up. "Hey!" He objected when his brother picked up Luther's bath robe to wipe himself off. 

"Already got your spunk on it. Here." Diego offered it to Luther who conceded his point and started scrubbing at his thighs, ass, and balls before he inflicted the rough fabric on his dick. Diego tugged on his shorts. "Be right back." 

Luther hauled himself up to sit. His body was satisfied, but he still felt a little empty. He tossed the robe into a corner and took some gulps from the water glass on his nightstand. He figured he should also make a bathroom run, and got a pair of sweatpants from his dresser. He went into the hallway and he and his brother awkwardly changed places so Luther could freshen up. 

When he got back to the bedroom Diego was in his bed. Luther turned off the light and lifted the covers. "Leave the top sheet under you," Diego said, "Less of a wet spot. With both of us the blanket should be enough." 

They had to shift around to find out how they would fit the most comfortably together on the small bed. Luther didn't want to face away, so he ended up basically holding Diego, who had pulled his own arms in close to his chest. After a couple minutes of tension, Luther finally said, How many knives did you bring to bed?" 

"Just one. 'S between the mattress and the wall. You're safe, Luth." 

" _Luth,_ " Luther repeated thoughtfully. "That's new." 

"Dad's gone. We can use nicknames now. 'Sides, who else would've called you that?" 

"My name is only two syllables," Luther said. "Your name has three. If anything, you're the one who needs a nickname. Dee? Die? Go?" 

" _Go_ to sleep, _Luth._ " Diego ordered petulantly, even while he tried to snuggle even closer. 

"...That's not the only thing you called me," Luther said quietly. 

"Did you like being called 'baby?'" Diego said, sounding a bit nervous. 

"If I did..." Luther said slowly, also feeling a flutter of nerves, "...would that be worth anything to you?" 

There was enough light coming through the window and between the curtains for Luther to see Diego open his eyes and look at him. "That might mean a lot, actually," he said, before biting his lip as if he wanted to take back that admission. 

Luther wanted to touch that mouth. He only realized he was licking his own lips when he was almost done. Then Diego was suddenly struggling to get out his embrace. Luther pulled his arms away thinking his brother wanted to leave. Instead, Diego scootched up so he could put his mouth to Luther's. He draped an arm over Luther's massive chest as if he wanted to pull Luther even closer. 

When they parted, Diego said, "You're not too good at kissing," to try to lighten the mood. 

"Yet," Luther replied. "I expect you to give me lots of practice."


End file.
